Chick-Fil-A exposed for feeding christians gay chicken

The Satira recently uncovered documents revealing that Chick Fil A exclusively sources homosexual chickens from breeders.  Apparently this is not a new development and Chick Fil A has been serving gay and lesbian chicken sandwiches as a policy since a little more than 6 months after opening.  Current employees would not return the calls of The Satira and refused to comment, however the former COO of Chick Fil A, Anthony Nelson agreed to interview to discuss the matter.

The Satira: Thank you for agreeing to talk to us, It has been hard to get a comment.  So gay chickens?

Anthony: Yeah, Gay chickens.  It is something they really try to keep in the closet, but they specifically order and serve homosexual chickens.

The Satira: but...Why?

Anthony:  Believe it or not, Money was the first reason, see homosexual chickens are a bit of a resource drag for the breeders, so the Cathy family negotiated a discounted price for them.

The Satira: Ok I am following, but how does a discount become a hard policy.

Anthony:  Well according to them at least, the gay chicken just tasted better, the gay chickens generally were in better shape with better hygiene and they had a better flavor.  That tang in the chicken everyone thinks is pickles?  Nope, pure gayness, and apparently Christians LOVE the taste of gayness.

The Satira: So they hid the fact and cornered the market on the backs of gay chickens?

Anthony:  Absolutely, why do you think there is so much anti gay legislation?  There is only two reasons for a chicken shack to hate gay people that much, either they are the most base hateful people in the world.....or they are covering up a nation wide gay chicken scandal.

The Satira: That actually makes a weird kind of sense.

Anthony:  I know they have been fighting with popeye's chicken as well, so it was only a matter of time before someone got outed.

The Satira:  What about popeyes chicken?

Anthony: She knew the secret, cause she only serves black chickens, so whenever a gay black chicken showed up there was a fight over who would get to serve it.  Long time rivals, I am amazed they fooled all the church people this long.

The Satira:  So all the anti gay christians eating at chick-fil-a are-

Anthony: Protesting gayness with giant mouthfuls of gayness and arguing that gayness is the best flavor, yes.

After the interview The Satira tried to ask specifically for comment, given details, and managed to get a hold of Dan Cathy, who seemed quite flummoxed when asked to comment about gay chicken, saying "Who told you about the gay chicken?  Look we only played that a few times in college and only experimented a little bit with it, who is talking, was it mike? was it Jai? man it could have been so many people.  Wait, this is off the record right?  Crap."


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