Virgin Mary Abstinence Camp Results In Over 10,000 Messiahs

After the catholic church announced a giant promise keepers camp for good christian children to practice abstinence away from all the dirty foul children of athiest parents, attendance sky rocketed to hundreds of thousands of god fearing jesus centric children.  In normal camp fashion the older kids were left as counselors and watched over the younger kids and much fun was had at the Virgin Mary Camp for Abstinence.

However 9 months later, a miracle emerged, as well as a plague for the non believers, when over ten thousand of the young women at the camp ended up giving birth to self claimed immaculately conceived children.  Early rumors of some girls claiming they had broken vows and had intercourse at the camp were quickly dashed as the news of the wide spread immaculate pregnancies started to air with all accounts being recounted and sudden remembrances of godly visits emerged.

Nay sayers among the male children at the camp have also appeared en mass with what the church is describing as a biblical level scourge for spreading lies and deceit about the pregnancies in the form of severely evolved venereal diseases including antibiotic resistant Herpes, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and a newly discovered fast acting strain of Syphilis.

Whether or not any of the women have the same diseases has been withheld by the church hospital although the representatives of the church have remarked that bathrooms are shared, and clothing as well, so it could have innocently been passed to others.

All 5 boys that agreed to talk to The Satira did not make the interview, with 2 being sent away to gay conversion camps, 2 being sent to south Africa on missions, and one suffering a terrible fatal accident involving a giant statue of jesus and a micro tornado causing it to fall inside a church and crushing him to death.

The church has not issued a statement as to how it will handle the return of Jesus ten thousand times at the same time, but they imagine it creates a massive opportunity in the wine, fish and bread markets and have considered the idea of starting a fast food franchise, provided Chik Fil A will move over from pushing a christian agenda full of blatant lies.

Investigations into the matter have been halted due to a sudden freak wild fire that consumed the Virgin Mary Camp for Abstinence, and was bought and replaced by a new joint venture by Durex and Trojan condoms called Camp Use A Fucking Condom, You Plague Beasts.  The CDC has threatened to declare Christian Youth Groups breeding grounds and quarantine 80% of the young christians until a suitable treatment can be found.


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