Dad Abandons Family After Getting Another Crappy Tie For Christmas

In the face of going into debt with over priced Christmas gifts, holiday depression, the stress of having to shop and the war crime that is being ear raped by Mariah Carey and Alvin and The Chipmunks while having to do it.  Local father, James McNare, saw that while he was forced to spend 800 dollars on jewelry for his wife, and 600 more on his daughter in the form of video games, clothes, and make up, they were wrapping a single joint present for him, a 5 dollar tie that could only be described as "The Clint Howard" of ties.

This apparently led James to wonder what the whole family thing was about, and what he was actually getting out of the arrangement.  Realizing his daughter had screamed that she hated him after a single day last year for not taking her to her friends house, and that the rare times he had sex it had less effort than a mumble rappers mix tape, his thoughts turned to escape.

The box that was the grave yard for useless gift ties had grown enormous over the years like a bad gift version of kirstie alley, enough to form a rope to escape out of the McNare Home bedroom window, considering it was a single story house, he had been ready for years.

Authorities contacted The Satira with a missing persons report, as little Harriet McNare was crying on television saying that all she wanted for Christmas was her daddy.  When The Satira's investigation division managed to find someone remarkably similar named John NotJames in the next town over, they where told, "I don't know the guy, but I see that baby picture printed tie, and his freaking neon llama tie, don't do this to me, I am finally free, merry Christmas."

Unable to find any leads at all, The Satira has given up any hope of finding him, and cling to our own crappy ties and growing Christmas present debt in a silent memorial to the missing James McNare.


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