NSA Bummed As Half Of America Wiretaps Itself With Discount Smart TV Sales

The NSA recently reported a steep drop in morale following the massive number of discount smart TV purchases this past Black Friday and Cyber Monday.  The devices are described as "Basically wiretaps and that is why they were made to be so cheap.", by NSA Director Mike Spyman.  With giant vertically integrated companies stealing all users data and recording customers for a profit, the National Security Agency as a whole just feels out done.

A representative from Amazon contacted The Satira out of nowhere the second we started typing this article to say, "We definitely aren't spying on anyone and neither is any other company massively discounting this technology for no reason, you guys want some free echos?  Alexa is your friend, tell Alexa everything you want, tell Alexa how to make you do things.", before hanging up while cackling in what is best described as an ill natured manner.

Reports across the country have people baffled by the accuracy of the ads they are seeing, as well as being contacted by telemarketers about things they had just mentioned, and also with things they said they might need suddenly going on sale at the local stores around them, but most chalk it up to coincidence and go back to stealing cable on their roku boxes.

A joint warning from the NSA and the FBI has been issued to burn the TV's and like technology unless people want private corporations to have all their information, but the general populace seem to trust the government agencies less then the tech companies and seem complacent watching golden girls on a new 4k 60 inch wire tap.

Team building exercises, therapy, and a pizza party have been scheduled at the NSA in hopes of raising morale.  One despondent Agent contacted us at the end of writing this article, a full 20 minutes after amazon, saying, "We just cant compete with compliant idiocy,  spying used to be sexy skilled work that was hard to do, now people will trade all their secrets to see baby yoda a little bigger and a little clearer.  We have lost our identity completely, I am so depressed I haven't watched anyone use the toilet via satellite in a week."


Post a Comment